Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Mengarut 101 (kelas ditangguhkan)




Kelas hari ini ditangguhkan sebab Cikgu Badrul selsema. Dia pesan sila hantar artikel yang dia suruh hari tu dan cakap boleh tiru DarkHalf dan Along Tapa punya.


Sebagai panduan, Cikgu Badrul kongsikan beberapa contoh sibmission dari abang-abang dan kakak-kakak kamu dari Upper Six.



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Entry 1: Kenapa Kerajaan kena tukar komputer desktop ke laptop

Peranan kerajaan pimpinan PM kita Najib Razak yang lebih cenderung kepada internet dan tweeter telah menambah kepada penembusan industri tersebut ke dalam masyarakat di Malaysia. Kalau dulu makcik kat pasar mini hujung kampung tu tak tahu pun amendernya mouse, sekarang dia dah boleh 'like'-'like' kedai sayur yang dia suka. Kalau dulu bebudak sekolah sekadar chatting dan cari point nak melancap, sekarang mereka dah boleh cari duit dengan buat laman lucah sendiri dan blogwalkkan URl dia pakai tiny URL sial.
Akibat dari ini, agensi kerajaan kenalah memantau aktiviti ini dengan menukarkan komputer-komputer desktop lama yang dah cabuk kat pejabat kerajaan tu kepada laptop.

Yang paling aula, setiap saat dalam waktu pejabat mestilah dihabiskan dengan berfikir atau berbincang benda yang berkaitan dengan hal kepejabatan saja demi menjamin keberkatan rezki yang disuap nanti. Ini mustahak.

Laptop memudahkan pergerakan penjawat awam di dalam lanskap ofis yang semakin mencabar. Kertas-kertas permohonan yang berlambak sejak zaman Badawi sampai sekarang tak beraet lagi. Ada borang yang dah tak bergambar atau gambar yang dah tak bernombor IC. Susah nak melangkah-langkah timbunan borang dan fail zaman dinosor. Nak buang takleh. Nak kemaskini, dah 3-4 orang budak pektikel yang sakit jiwa cuba menyusunnya. Alamat dibiarkan jelah berlambak cam dalam pejabat MARA tu.

Lagi masa berbincang tu, takdelah kosong datang dengan air liur. Masa kita berhujah menyokong atau membangkang dalam meeting, kita terus wifikan ajer slide yang mengandungi graf kajian empirikal kita yang membuktikan bahawa kitalah betul dan mereka ni semua dah salah dan telah menyebabkan kerugian berjuta-juta dolar setahun.

Kita blututkan ajer kepada laptop mereka yang perlukan data dan fakta kita ni untuk membantu kengkawan lain buat kerja dia pulak. Benda ni tak dapat dibuat dengan desktop. Desktop harap bawak pendrive kulu kiley. Nak loading pendrive jer setengah minit. Bukak folder gambar awek. Double klik powerpoint ada virus. Cam sial. Buang masa semua ni.

Sebagai penamat, aku sokong dengan proposal agar kerajaan kena tukar komputer cabuk dalam jabatan diorang tu kepada laptop. Sekian.



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Entry 2: Kenapa Kerajaan kena tukar komputer desktop ke laptop

Dari sudut ekonominya, kerajaan lebih dari mampu untuk memperuntukkan sejumlah dana untuk proses pertukaran komputer di jabatan dan agensinya kepada laptop. Apa yang menariknya ialah apa faedahnya kepada kerajaan sekiranya kerajaan berbuat demikian?

Dengan melakukan pertukaran ini, ia akan menunjukkan keseriusan kerajaan dalam menuju ke arah masyarakat berpendapatan tinggi. Orang pakai laptop nampak lebih berpendapatan daripada orang yang sekadar main dekstop kat rumah. Ini penting sebab nak buktikan bahawa kerajaan bukan fliaflop. Lagipun kalau pakai laptop ni nampak series dan sibuk dan orang tak berani nak berhujah kalau takde fakta atau bukti dalam .jpeg atau .3gp yang lengkap. KAsi goyang blogger pembangkang.

Melakukan pertukaran juga bermakna kita boleh meletakkan peranti yang akan menyalurkan segala data dan maklumat rahsia kepada kita. Disamping kita bagi tender kat kroni kita, kalau kita kalah PRU nantik pun, kita dah taruk bug dalam alat kerajaan dan kita akan tau apa yang mereka sedang lakukan dari bilik rahsia kita. Tanpa susah payah. Lagipun, kita kena tamatkan kontrak dan tender kroni kaum yang sebelum ni dan aku boleh guna alasan sebab dah ramai bebudak ofis aku yang merungut komputer diorang slow masa loading youtube.

Tambahan pula, kita dah tersedak dengan kes pemberian laptop kepada pelajar. Takkan kita suruh bebudak pakai laptop tapi kerani pejabat kita masih pakai komputer monochrome? Patutnya bila ada PC, memudahkan dan meng efisienkan kerja. Ni tunggu lampu knight rider windows habis loading pun setengah jam. Dah tu asyik short sebab cicak dan lipas gemar melepak dalam casing CPU tu. Semua benda ni tak jadi hal kalau pakai laptop. Mudah. Datang keja bukak laci, on laptop. Cucuk kabel dan hantar email dan report. Dah siap. Takdelah nak kena printla, stapler la, folder la. Buang kertas jer sumer tu.

Maka di sini ditekankan bahawa kerajaan memang patut menukarkan komputer kat jabatan mereka kepada laptop. Sila hubungi abang saya sebab dia supplier laptop. Boleh kawtim punya.


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Entry 3  Why Malaysian Government should change their desktops to portables

The world is changing. The way we look and manage change are also changing. To have control means to have information readily accessible at the tip of our fingers. To succeed further means to be able to manipulate it to fit our means before the information got distorted or wasted and deemed irrelevant. As such, the government, above all must be on top of these changes, especially those going on in the socitey it manages. And everybody is talking about updating their status in FB before going out on a dinner with their friends, lately. Or posting a hate-filled article about their feeling towards something. Even when we meet, we don't talk or see each other in the eye. We're too busy texting or updating our status via the free wifi available somewhere here.

Being a civil servant doesn't mean one only sits behind a desk and do paper work from eight to five. Or walk around a cubicle, air-conditioned by a poorly maintained 2-horse-power motor. They need to move around and involve in discussions and decisions rather than mundanely trying to find the key for the symbol $ on their keyboard. They need to readily have the data and points for the next discussion and cut the process of decision making to fulfill the needs of the rakyat urgently. A desktop computer is always the excuse they were late for meetings. They had the darn graphs but it got stucked inside the printer. Thus the decision for the bantuan for that poor rakyat was delayed. Besides, Pengarah won't be available to release the cheques since he's gone for the see-and-why, anyway.

The managers in the governmental agency could easily trace a servant's KPI through a laptop. Since everything has made electronic, one could easily trace whether a civil servant has done a good job or not by the end of the year. This way, we could ease down the yearly reviewing process and focus more on the next item which usually the case after the review.

The servant's knowledge about computer will also increase by exposing them to laptops. They'll know about wifi, bluetooth, looking for available networks and pornographic sites or cool blogs like aderberani.blogspot.com. Their kids can't kencing them anymore abut spending hours infront of a laptop without coming out from their rooms. What the heck am I rambling about?

A scientific research on the heat emission in an office done by the University Tenaga Nasional, Bangi recently revealed than by using laptops, the heat amount in the studied region reduces by 45% compared to the use of desktops. This was later attributed by the effectiveness of heat dissipation from the CPU fan from that of a laptop are more efficient than that of a desktop. This study fueled anger and riots among desktop manufacturers across the globe with global protest against the official release of the study into the academic world. Nonetheless, laptops usage in governmental agencies in modern countries like Japan and America are getting a widespread welcome especially the Obama story which once reported to have 'ruled the world via an Ipad' when he was stucked at an airport.

We can further strengthen our relationship with Apco and getting the damn Zionist's trust by giving them the contracts to manage all this shit. They love all this monitoring stuff. They create the frame work. We see if it's work. If it does, we take over. If it doesn't, our cronies could earn their living by maintaining the lappy's, anyway...

So there are many ways the kerajaan can benefit by changing the komputer cabuk to laptops.



Entry 4

I'mma gonna be brief. I dunno what's the point of writting such an article but since it's the first asignment, I'mma gonna spill a few short ones.

Switching to laptops taps the consciousness of the civil servants who took working for the government for granted. Owning a laptop symbolizes responsibility and accountability instead of just switching the CPU off without even bother logging in it off properly, while blaming the darn viruses for loss of data and the report they supposed to submit this morning. The civil servants will start taking paperworks and Microsoft Words seriously and will begin taking typing classes and enroll in report writting seminars.

When there's a steady demand for laptops in Malaysia, lappy manufacturer will want to make an assembly plant in Malaysia. They will help the government to clear up whats'left of the jungle in the outskirts of Selangor to turn it into a so called Silicon Valley like they did with the Sun Solar in Melaka. Many rakyat will gain from this factories by working in them. Banglas and Indons who left the construction industries could also work here and this reduce the number of jenayah in the Malaysia. We can go on explore the ripple effect of promoting laptop usage in the government agencies but I think we better stop here.

Sigh.
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Entry 5

Dream on, suckers! You guys are stoned!



Setakat itu saja contoh yang lulus untuk disiarkan sebagai panduan kepada murid-murid kelas 1 Mawar. Semoga murid-murid jaga makan limau mandarin dan kurangkan minum minuman bersoda.


Selamat Bercuti!

7 comments:

eszol raar said...

gua da buat

tapi ade org hack

ju-on mungkin

Along Tapa said...

macam best jek homework kelas cikgu badrul ni..aku pun nak buat gak r..boleh cikgu??ahaks

Gorengbaek - "Orang ni jam banyak yang gila"..Meon kata..Kenapa ek??

Hangit Habis dah - Haih....

~* chirpy_chummy *~ said...

cikgu, pendrive yg sep kje umah tu da ilang.. sy bt kt umah, konon2 sep la dlm pendrive, nk tunjuk kt cikgu kt desktop skolah, tp carik2 dlm beg, da xde pendrive.

tu laaa..org suh kasi sowg sebijik laptop, tp gomen xmo kasik. tgok! da susah..*sigh*

Irwan said...

Along Tapa: Kau akan diperkenalkan masa dalam episod Kelab Komputer nantik..Tapi sebab kau dah buat, aku update entry ni dengan taruk entry kau, ek?

Eszol ngan Cik Chirpy: Sila berdiri atas bangku. KAT LUAR KELAS...

Mana murid lain punya assignment?

Dark Half said...

wauuu...essay dorang dasat2 la..

Irwan said...

essay...siot punyer dark..klasik la perkataan tu...

ASS-A

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